


all because james is a loon, apparently

by memesofbees (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: From this one prompt i saw on tumblr, Remus just wants to sleep, found this in my drafts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-03 11:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8712541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/memesofbees
Summary: “You do see how this is a bad idea? You two might be daft, but you’re not stupid.”Sirius nodded thoughtfully, “Yes. Yes, I hear what you’re saying. James, do you hear what he’s saying?”“I do, in fact, hear what Remus is saying, Sirius,” he stroked his chin, rearranging himself to sit cross-legged on the bed. “And, as flattered as I am, I have to tell you, there’s no such thing as a bad idea.”Remus finally set down the book he had been reading (he says reading, I say using as a way to pretend he couldn’t care less about the conversation, but, hey, to each his own), calmly referring to Peter, “Would you remind them of the ‘good’ idea that landed you in detention until Christmas?”--guess who found a loophole to being out of bed after curfew





	

“You do see how this is a bad idea? You two might be daft, but you’re not stupid.”

Sirius nodded thoughtfully, “Yes. Yes, I hear what you’re saying. James, do you hear what he’s saying?”

“I do, in fact, hear what Remus is saying, Sirius,” he stroked his chin, rearranging himself to sit cross-legged on the bed. “And, as flattered as I am, I have to tell you, there’s no such thing as a bad idea.”

Remus finally set down the book he had been reading (he says reading, I say using as a way to pretend he couldn’t care less about the conversation, but, hey, to each his own), calmly referring to Peter, “Would you remind them of the ‘good’ idea that landed you in detention until Christmas?”

Cutting in, “His tongue grew back didn’t it? Not our fault Sinclaire told McGonagall about the Dungbomb stash. Wormtail taking the heat for us was noble, a feat Godric Gryffindor himself would be proud of.”

Peter was practically glowing, chest puffed out. Remus frowned. Sirius looked like he was trying not to laugh.

Remus sighed. He wasn’t winning this one. “Fine.”

“Finally,” James exhaled, “thought I was going to have to beg. We need that excellent Wingardium Leviosa of yours, mate.”

“What?” He scowled, “You are perfectly capable of doing it yourself!”

He kneeled at the foot of his bed, leaning forward, bottom lip popping out, “Moony, c’mon. James might be the best at Charms, but he’s batshit mad, he can’t concentrate on giving all four of our beds a base.”

James focused on a point away from them then blinked, “Sorry, what? Thought I spotted a pixie in here.”

“You’re really leaving as in the hands of this loon?”

“Bloody—“ he pinched the bridge of his nose and, without looking, grabbed his wand from the nightstand. There were various cheers from all over the room and Jack McGuire, the fifth inhabitant of said room, groaned, shoving his head under his pillow.

Everybody got off their beds and James quickly shrunk each one. Remus put on his robe and tucked the Map into his pocket. One by one, they set the beds outside, regrew them, and jumped on until all four were outside. Remus held out his wand and gave a light flick. James and Sirius surged upwards, so high, in fact, that they were centimetres away from the ceiling before Remus stopped. They gave aimed profanity-ridden whispers at him as he slowly lowered them again, levitating Peter and himself in the process.

Sirius threw a pillow at him. It hit his shoulder and bounced to the floor. Remus rose an eyebrow delicately and threateningly raised his wand. He stuck his tongue out childishly and produced his wand, taking the reigns from Remus's spell. James and Peter did the same but Remus kept them all aloof in the background, because he certainly knew what was coming next. And it did.

James smirked at Sirius and lunged forward on the bed, surging it down the hallway. Sirius gave a bark of indignant laughter and followed suit, Peter at his heels. Remus blew air out the side of his mouth. How predictable.

He calmly took the Map out and spread it in front of him, flipping and flying in the other direction. He saw the three zooming dots that were his friends and traced a path down one of the criss-crossing staircases that put him-- " _Bloody hell--_ " before everybody else. He narrowly avoided crashing into Sirius, who had finally gained on James, and stopped just short enough to allow Remus to intercept their path and insert himself in first place.

As he left them all behind, he heard the collective gasp and James', _"S_ _aboteur!"_  

"Smart!" Remus called over his shoulder and turned sharply downwards into the centre of the Grand Staircase. One of the flights moved towards him and he followed its direction, stopping for a moment to hear the telltale rustle of sheets behind him. He flipped around, facing all of them.

They were panting, as if they'd been running instead of sitting on floating beds, "You two-faced arse!"

"Care to elaborate?"

"You--" James motioned wildly, "you just-- that's no fair!"

Remus shrugged, leaning back on the headboard, "I never said I wasn't participating."

"You said it was stupid! Plus," he pointed, "you're cheating! You can't use the Map."

Peter nodded, "Right!"

"Okay, fine," he grabbed it and carefully shoved it between his mattress, "no more Map."

Sirius harrumphed, "Alright, then. First one to get back to the common room wins the stash of Pumpkin Pasties under Peter's dresser." Peter squeaked. He waved a hand, winking, "Don't worry, mate. There's a one in four chance you'll keep them."

"So, what," James began, wand at the ready, "do we countdown, pull a tr--" Perhaps it was from spending so much time together, but they all shot off, foregoing any formal start. Only Peter stayed behind, taking a second to quite rockily begin. Remus wedged himself between James and Sirius, seeing the wild top of Sirius' head from over the back of the bed. He narrowed in on it and maneuvered the bed completely sideways, swirling around Sirius and swatting his temple with the back of his hand before becoming upright again. 

"That's just plain dirty, Remus!"

"Since when have you played by the rules?"

"Since they help me win!"

Remus felt something bump the back of his bed and he craned his neck to find James digging himself into the bed, skimming right beneath them. Remus was tempted to drop down, but knew that that was just, maybe just, a bit extreme.

He whooped, sparks flying from the tip of his wand, and sent a crazed grin their way. Remus felt Sirius come up next to him and they looked at each other, then back. "Are we actually letting that wanker beat us?"

"Hell no."

Remus was just about to sent a bogey hex to the back of James' head when they all froze. He held on fast to the sides on instinct, unlike James, who almost fell off the bed, hanging off the edge, dangling right on front of the face of Professor Minerva McGonagall. "Oh," he said absentmindedly, "hullo, Professor. Charming evening, yeah?"

He face was practically beet red, stark against the silver hair messy over her eyes, "You four better explain yourselves at once!"

"Just out for a nighttime stroll through the castle," Sirius answered, "quite lovely at this time-- like yourself--"

"Sirius Black, I suggest you hold your tongue before I turn it into a poisonous toad! What in Godric Gryffindor's good graces made you think this was a good idea? You are breaking school curfew!"

"Actually," James said, finally back on safe matress, "Professor, the rule explicitly states no students out of bed after ten o'. And," he checked his watch, "it is twelve fifteen, and we are not out of bed."

McGonagall seemed to ponder this, still seething, "I will admit this to be a great magical feat, but the nerve of you... and Remus--"

"They are technically right, Professor," he said calmly, trying not to let show his pride. "There is nothing in the rules of being out of the dorm, only the beds."

She narrowed her eyes at them and looked to be ready for a further tongue-lashing before a voice came from behind her, "They are right, Minerva; there is no way to punish them." She whirled to find Dumbledore in his fluffy pink bathrobe, eyes twinkling behind his glasses. 

"But Albus--"

"You said yourself this is a great magical feat, as unplanned as it seems, since there was still a chance for you all to be punished," he turned to look at them, "but no rules were broken. I do implore you to go back to your rooms, however, because one of you might just," he cocked his head slightly, "fall out. This, obviously, will be out of your bed. And I believe you do not want to help Professor Slughorn clean the cauldrons for the next two months, do you?"

"No, Headmaster."

"Thank you. Now, Minerva, apart from not wanting to take points away from your own house, I also believe your third years have an exam tomorrow, correct? I suggest plenty of rest, since you will be so busy wrangling the winged teapots."

She made a noise but went to do so, shaking her head again, "Not out of bed... unfathomable..."

Dumbledore gave them one more absent smile before gliding back to his room. They kept still as they made their way back (and maybe they were still precariously edging to be first; and maybe Remus was) and went back up into the dorm. Sirius clicked the door shut.

They burst out laughing.

"Oh--Oh my  _God_ \--"

"We got away with it--"

"Truly one for the books, chaps--"

"Did you  _see_ McGonagall's face--"

"Shut it!" Jack McGuire hissed, burying his head under his pillow. Remus could already see James hexing his underwear.

Sirius unshrunk his bed and fell back on it, throwing one arm over his eyes, "Amazing."

James yawned, "Legendary."

Peter turned out the lights, "Exciting."

Remus rolled his eyes despite his smile, tucking everything back in his drawer, "Dumb as fuck."

"You broke our one word streak!"

"Moony!"

"Go to sleep, you wankers."

**Author's Note:**

> remus did get his pasties eventually.


End file.
